Dear Loser
by Scraggles
Summary: Sasuke writes a letter, shredding the fabric of the remaining team seven members' minds.. slightly. Warnings: VERY lightly implied yaoi, stupidity, 'miss it even if you don't blink moments,' some *attempted* Kakashi/Sakura, ignored canon pairings. Enjoy!


**Just a little something short for my fans who're waiting on me to finish writing the next chapter of Love Blooms -- a product of youtube insanity, coffee, energy drinks, and writers block... I haven't watched Naruto in a while, so I have no idea what part of the series this would've taken place in. It should be pretty far along, time-wise. Anyway, I tried to be a little different for once and write from a narrator's perspective. I hope you like!**

**Enjoy!**

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"Naruto! . . Naruto!" Leaf villagers called off into the distance. The faint sounds barely met the blonde boy's ears. Like Lee, he was always training to the point of exhaustion, exerting himself more and more with the passing of every day. He was snoring peacefully beneath the leaves of a lone cherry tree in the midst of the forest when he was awakened by the voices.

"Wha?" He half-groaned, "Oh, I must've fell asleep training again. I better go back to the village before people start to worry. Maybe now I'll be stronger than Sasuke so I can show him who's boss!" He said, yawning and standing up to brush himself off. Once done, he leapt into the forest branches and sprinted through them hastily until he reached the gates, where he saw a large crowd gathering. "Hnn? Wonder what that's all about…"

The blonde scurried over to the ring of Shinobi that had formed, mostly genin and chunin, pushing past the raving Sasuke-fan girls and furious boys. He looked up to find, in the center of the crowd, a giant oak tree with a kunai and what looked like a note pinned to it towards the top of the tree.

"I wanna see Sasuke's letter!"

"No me!" numerous girls screamed.

"Is that guy trying to steal our girlfriends again?!" an angry genin squawked, his voice hoarse from doing so repeatedly.

"A letter from Sasuke?" Naruto mumbled, looking up the tree quizzically.

"Yeah." He heard a voice from behind. He jumped around to find Sakura and Kakashi standing behind him, staring intently at the note and trying to push their way to the very front of the crowd, which was hard due to the masses of bodies that were trying and failing to run up the trunk of the tree.

"Uh, what're you guys doing here?" Naruto asked, not thinking.

Sakura yelled over the recent uproar of the crowd. Several people were crying out in pain from their recent falls. "What do you think we're doing, baka?"

Naruto didn't answer and instead shoved to the forefront of the clumped group, taking off full speed for the tree.

"Naruto, what do you think you're doing!" Sakura called, "BAKA – That letter was left for me!" Kakashi merely sighed.

In a spectacular feat of grace, Naruto sprang into the air, blue chakra spewing from the soles of his feet as he dashed up the tree and snatched the letter from the great oak, but as he did so, he made a terrible miscalculation. As he was starting on the return trip, his foot barely missed the branch. Confidence gone, the remaining chakra in his other foot became unbalanced, sending him flying away from the bulging mass of wood and soaring over the crowd. Thinking quickly, Naruto tossed the letter away, clasping his hands and focusing his chakra frantically.

Just as he was about to hit the ground, he screamed, "Kagebunshin no jutsu!" and landed in a cloud of smoke. When the dust cleared, all but one of his clones had exploded in a puff of white smoke. Naruto stood up, with the help of his clone and brushed himself off, watching the letter as it floated right into the middle of the circle of screaming morons.

All hands reached for it at once, nearly tearing it to shreds. Finally, Sakura leapt on top of the crowd, standing on Lee's hands after grabbing the letter. She held it up to the sun, squinting as she began to read. The twin Narutos stood resolute, watching from afar as the girl spoke in monotone.

"_Dear loser," _Sakura began, making a face and commenting on his lousy handwriting; Naruto's heart sank. The boys in the crowd booed in unison. She continued,_ "I've gone to live with Orochimaru on Emo Farm. Don't try to come find me. Goodbye Forever . . . __Sasuke." _The fan girls simultaneously burst into tears.

"_WHYYYY?!" _They screamed, causing the boys to cover their ears.

"You suck!" some guy, most likely Kiba, said during the short silence that followed. The crowd started to turn away and walk back to the village.

"Wait, there's more!" Sakura yelled, grabbing their attention once more. She began reading off in monotone again, _"PS: hahahahaha, yes, I'm serious and I hope I never see you, Kakashi, or – Sakura again. Hint-hint . . . PSS: Naruto, you hit like a girl." _Sakura slowed down towards the end, making a disgusted noise when her name was mentioned. She threw the letter down and screamed, "That asshole!" She held her fist high in the air, proclaiming revenge in some growly gibberish language.

"WHAT?!" Naruto screamed, anger, sadness, and disappointment mixed in his mind. His clone exploded in disbelief. This was the last straw. Kakashi and Sakura walked towards Naruto.

"So he's gone now right? . . GROUP HUG!" Kakashi said, squealing like a little girl and throwing himself onto Naruto and Sakura.

"ACK!" They screamed in unison, slapping the masked shinobi.

"What the hell? How could you write that in there? That's just wrong! Nobody needs to think about that!" Sakura yelled, shaking her fist at the sky and shooting flames out of her mouth.

"Looks like someone has potential," Kakashi said, eying the tongues of white hot fire and wiggling his brows suggestively. Before he could take a step towards her, she scrambled up a tree like a scared cat.

Me, being the writer, I just shrugged and told her to shut up until I write a sequel . . and possibly humiliate her more. Naruto just sighed and went with it. As long as Sakura didn't try to throw herself on him out of self-pity due to Sasuke's hatred of her, it was cool with him... That sort of stuff steps on your dignity, you know? . . Poor loser...

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**R&R plox!**


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